I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
