Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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