Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
