The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
