I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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