Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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