You smell like a Billy Joel song
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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