would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
