I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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