dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
