two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
