this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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