Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
