If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
