Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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