Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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