the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
