So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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