She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
