hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
