I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
