I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
