The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
