Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
