This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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