Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
