just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize