...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
