me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Two words: blizzard sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
