yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Your topless pictures make me question reality
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
