fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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