I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
