as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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