We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
