Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
