I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
