a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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