hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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