I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
