You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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