um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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