Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
