I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
