Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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