i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
