I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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