good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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