My room smells like vodka and shame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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