if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
