Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you win again, gameday.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
