Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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