Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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