Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
