Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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