no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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