you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
