just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
