FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
