so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
