then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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