also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
