Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
