my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
