I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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