worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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