evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
