As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
