I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
