a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
