Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
