Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
