whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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