im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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